Moving
Hi guys!!! I’m moving my blog to here ya! See you guys soon 
http://sabrina-fille-de-liberte.blogspot.com
xoxo
Sab
Uncategorized | Comment (0)We Will Not Grow Old
13.06.2009 was one of the happy days we have. It was his 22th birthday… The first birthday we had celebrated together since we have meet. I can’t believe how fast time has passed, and I am extremely delighted that on this red letter day, I’m the one with him and celebrated this day. He is such a simple person who has the astonishing aptitude to make me smile from the bottom of my heart. Prior to his birthday, I suggested that we celebrated his birthday extravagantly, but he prefers to celebrate it quietly. Eventually, we came to an agreement to celebrate it like our usual weekend hang out. Lunch – movie – dinner. There’s tons of ways to celebrate this vital day but he chose the simplest way to celebrate it. Such humble person who makes me love him even more.
We met early in the morning that day, it was a beautiful Saturday morning and I handed him the gift before we start our journey. His 1st birthday present from me. Later on that night, he told me how much he loves that gift… I slept with a smile on my face that night and knowing that he was smiling too… Such sweet feeling which every girl will have when she knows that her significant other is loving and appreciating the gift she specially hand made for him prior one month before his birthday… I’m so so happy…
We went to watch “State of Play” and “Blood-The Last Vampire” that day, movies marathon *smile*. I clung on him tightly throughout the movies and feeling so happy and contented to be with the right person eventually. I know that he will never let me down… No matter how mischievous I can be sometimes and makes him worries, he never scolded me. He patiently teach me what life is and hold me firmly while I was about to loss myself and drown in the lake of inhumanity that keep me away from my inner self. He patted me soothingly and I know that I can rely on him either it is a bright shinny day or a stormy chilling day… He is the warm blankie which I hold on to every night when I sleep… and I can’t lose him… Oh God, please don’t take him away from me… He is as essential as my family and I can’t afford to lose either one side… I will be an incomplete mortal without him and my family…
Our dinner was absolutely fun. We became Japanese that night. Indulged ourselves in Japanese food and warm conversation. We had the time of our life… simply splendid!
I love you Kevin, I FREAKING LOVE YOU *muax*
Forever yours,
Sabrina
Lenka – We Will Not Grow Old
You and me will be lying side by side
Forever forever
Underneath this adolescent sky
Together together
And you will hold my heart inside your hand
And You’ll be the one, the one to tell me
Oh, we’ve got a long, long way to go
To get there
We’ll get there
But oh, if there’s one thing that we know
It’s that we will not grow old
I made you swear that our hearts will never die
No never, no never
Cause no one seems to believe that we can fly
Forget them, forget them
Oh, you told me
Oh, we’ve got a long, long way to go
To get there
We’ll get there
But oh, if there’s one thing that we know
It’s that we will not grow old
Oh, how could we know that day, it came with age
That oh, the feeling would fade…
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We’ll Miss You Nadia…
Today, I woke up with a dreadful message and acknowledging that one of my friends had passed away. Prayer was made, Yassin was read, and after that I went out of the house and stared at the gray dawn sky… For us all, this is going to be a new day and yet for her, life had just ended… We, mortals are such fragile human being aren’t we? One day we are here and the next moment we are gone… I believe that God is fair, and everyone will die eventually, it just a matter of time…
I still can’t believe this… I still remember our last conversation and it was just yesterday that I was looking through “The Heartstringers” photos and saw her… I was so puzzled with this whole situation and I believe that my friends who knew about this are feeling the same way too…
I wrote an entry about death before and I know that there’s a lot of saying about death and I expected this entry will contain lots of cliché but there’s what death is – UNEXPECTED. I felt so awful for not being able to attend her funeral and for the whole day I am reminiscing all the memories we shared together as senior and junior, teammates, and friends…
When she was alive, she had brought a lot of laughter and joy to us all and after she had gone to the God, she left us with such great awakening and impact. Life is brief, seizes it…When painful life experiences hit us, it can either paralyzes us or makes us stronger. I want to be stronger and I hope everyone who is feeling poignant with her leaving will be a stronger person…
Here, I would like to offer my heartiest condolence to her family members, Aqil and all of those who love her. We’ll always miss you, Nadia… My prayer will go with you… Al-Fatihah…
Lenka – Live Like You’re Dying
One of these days you’ll be
Under the covers you’ll be
Under the table and you’ll realize
All of your days are numbered;
All of them one to one hundred.
All of them millions.
All of them trillions.
So what are you gonna do with them all?
You can not trade them in for mall.
No no
Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.
Give me a reason
To fight the feeling
That there’s nothing here for me.
Cause none of it’s easy,
I know it wasn?t meant to be.
I know it’s all up to me
I know it’s all up to me
So what am I gonna do with my time?
Oh
I’ll take every moment, I know that I own them.
It’s all up to you to do whatever you choose.
Live like you’re dying and never stop trying.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.
All of the moments you didn?t notice;
Gone in the blink of an eye.
All of the feelings you couldn?t feel
No matter how you try.
Oh oh
Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.
Live like you’re dying and never stop trying.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.
Live like you’re dying and never stop trying.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.
Oh oh
Uncategorized | Comment (0)When Love Alters To Friendship
Talked to him yesterday via MSN… how long has it been since we last talked? 2 years? Almost…
He is so different now, he developed a new sense of style, converted to a new religious. Sometimes, I feel that I no longer know him…
One year ago, I used to imagine how I will react when I get the chance to talk or meet with him. Will I get all edgy or giddy or even make a fool out of myself in front of him? There were days when I will feel so dreadful of the thought of meeting him, some days, I will feel so emancipate to meet him again. And yet, now, when we finally got the chance to talk to each other, I somehow feel so at ease and natural. As if I was talking to an old friend. Seems that, without my realization, the sadness, anger, hatred, perhaps grudge that I had for him within myself had evaporated to the sky and altered as forgiveness.
Regret, I do have a few… I’m regret that we did not end properly, things did not get ugly but we certainly did not parted properly like friends. Everything was being done hastily. We are puzzled with the situation…
I used to think that I still love him and dream that one day he’ll come back to me and we’ll live happily ever after. I carried that hope every single day of my life until one day I realized that I was lying to myself and for quite some time, I was indulged in self pity. I mistreated myself with the thought that I do not deserve love and made myself miserable. Frankly, it was pathetic…
Now, I finally realized… we are no longer 17th, he is no longer the man that I thought I was born to love, I was no longer the girl that will do anything for him but one thing still remain the same… I’m still the same girl who believes in love and now I have found love and happiness and I wish he will eventually find one too…
I’ve learned to forgive and comprehend what life is all about… Now, I’ll live with dignity and a smile on my face. His name will never upset me anymore, he will no longer be the night mare that scares me every night or the cloud that I wish to seize. Now, he is my friend and I know he feels the same too…
When love alters to friendship, it is indeed a beautiful thing… *smile*
Uncategorized | Comments (2)The Love He And I Treasure
It has been all shine and bright days lately in their life… out of blue, rain starts pouring down late this evening when she was gazing at his serene face as he sleeps… not wanting to wake him up, she silently tip toeing out of the room where they spend endless days and nights together talking about their past, present, and future. Sometimes, they did not talk and let their eyes converse with each other’s soul…
Walks like a cat, she goes to the living room where she can have a clearer view on the rainy day… she opened the window and let the cold wind come rushing in to their warm house… which has been their little secret space with each other. She loves this house, this is where he… and she belong to… their own “palace”.
She took her fragile little hands out from the pocket and let the rain drops came trickling down on her palms. The wedding ring on her finger became icy cold and sends a shiver down her spine but she didn’t pull her hands back. She stood still in front of the window with her hands being showered by the chill rain… Suddenly, she feels the fear growing inside her. This sudden, unexpected rain makes her thinks and wonders… will they always have this serene, happy little life like they are having now?
She has always been a paranoid girl as she grows up, the insecure feeling she has to everything in her world has been quite troublesome to her. But he, he has always make sure that this pessimistic feeling inside her is not taking control of her life. He has always been holding her and make sure she doesn’t run out from the track. But now… the feeling emerges again and makes her heart sinks lower than it supposed to be. The sky is changing its colour now like a kaleidoscope and she lost in her own thought.
He has her, but will she always has him and this beautiful life… she can’t lose him… she knows… she won’t die if she lost him, but… she will lose the will to live her life happily like he always wishes for her… She rested her head on the window pane and now, she let the raindrops felled on her troubled face… life is suddenly very intimidating and daunting to her…
As she was about to lost herself… she suddenly feel this familiar warmness of him embracing her… she knows him and his scent too well and she doesn’t need to turn her head to find out who’s the one giving her strength and faith. He holds her closely than ever and pulls her back into his arms. Tenderly, he whispers to her ears and the fear she has gradually subside and disappear. His voice is like a lullaby to her…
With his presence in her life, life takes a major change… she realizes, she shouldn’t be afraid of rain. Rain nurtures the earth as how he gives her a life. He is her rain… and he is a blessing…
You are a blessing in my life OMK…
Everytime We Touch by Cascada
I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams
Forgive me my weakness, but I don’t know why
Without you it’s hard to survive.
‘Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
‘Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can’t you hear my heart beat slow…
I can’t let you go.
Want you in my life.
Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry. (I cry)
The good and the bad times, we’ve been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.
‘Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
‘Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can’t you hear my heart beat slow…
I can’t let you go.
Want you in my life.
‘Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
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Never Thought
Regarding love, I have lots to say, what it feels like to have love, what it feels like to lose love, and what it feels like to anticipate for love again. Nevertheless, when love itself came knocking on my “door” and embraces me with all its might after I had let it in, I suddenly lost words on what I want to say about love…
My “black and white” diary which once filled with words of sadness and bitterness has been coloured again with words of romance, hope, and his name… this unnamed feeling of love has not only filled the empty, solitude space of my diary but also me, who had been hollowed for quite some time after I had lost and being hurt by love…
I never thought that someday, someone will look me in the eyes so deeply and sincerely as if I’m the one he sees…
I never thought that someday, someone will see me beautiful with my own way and make me feel worthy… I do not need anything to be beautiful, I just have to be me…
I never thought that someday, someone will accept me as who I am and teach me to appreciate myself and everything God gifted to me…
I never thought that someday, someone will hold my hands tightly and yet tender with his own way and tell me he loves me and mean it with all his heart and soul…
I never thought that someday, someone will wipe the tears from my face with his warm hands and be with me through thick and thin…
I never thought that someday, someone as noble as him will fall in love with a girl like me…
And… I never thought that someday, I am going to be happy, so so happy again. This happiness is a pure happiness I am having which makes me smile out of no reason, hum a happy love song even at my worst moment, and sleeps with a broad smile on my face with his gentle “Good Night” and knowing that he is going to wish me “Good Morning” the next day when we meet…
Yet… all this happened and he is that someone…
Cayang,
If I am a painter, I’ll draw countless painting of you; if I am a writer, I’ll write tons of books about you; and if I am a photographer, I’ll capture every moment of you. But… I am none of these, I am just a girl who fall in love too deeply for a decent man like you. Unlike other girls, I am not good in everything but I have a heart and a soul which had been broken and shattered when I got “hurt” last time. But, you stepped in my little, unknown world and mend my heart and gather my soul back again. Even though there are still wounds and scars on my heart and soul but you help them to “recover” and hence I am going to love you with this heart and this soul despite of their imperfectness… You heal them and make them perfect once again… Let me heal your scarred heart too…
I love you Kevin Tan. I really do…
Lucky By Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat
Do you hear me,
I’m talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will
Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I’m sailing through the sea
To an island where we’ll meet
You’ll hear the music fill the air
I’ll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you’re all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now
Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
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Alternation
I was walking back alone from the library to college this evening when this new thought came across my mind as I was observing the people who walked passed me. It has been raining season for the past few days in KL so the weather when I was “strolling “was extremely superb and it “stimulated” my so-called thinking process.
I haven’t been walking alone in such fine weather for quite some time after I had come to UM. Sometimes, my hectic life sort of like keep me away from enjoying my walk because I often rush from one place to the other and I often get distracted by new faces or things around me and hence my “people observing” process often being interrupted.
Anyhow, I’m grateful for having this meaningful walk today. It seems that I got to “breath” and think of something else other than “projects, assignments, reports, exam, etc”
I reckon that I’m a country girl, I enjoy walking especially during a fine weather and to be near to nature. It is a great way to reflect myself and is a form of escapism *smile* for someone like me.
As I was walking, I was thinking of how life has changed for the past few months. Lots of new things occur and me myself is undergoing something I called the “alternation”. Prior I enter U, Fong Lan once told me that everyone is going to change when she enters U, at that time, I did not agree nor believe a single thing she said. Now, I do… You see, human beings are rather fascinating creatures, when we reached certain stages in our life, we flexibly changed ourselves so that we can adapt to that new surroundings. I reckon that I’m of those. Yes, I admit, I’m no longer 100 percent my old self but yet I’m not afraid to admit it because… I changed to better.
I this world, everything happened for a reason and I firmly believe my changes did not happen merely because of pure coincidence. I changed to better and for me, it is a sign. From what I had gone through for the past few months, I dare say that almost every day in my life is well occupied instead of leading a dull life I used to have.
The most important thing I want to emphasize in this entry is “Yes, I have changed, but I changed to better.” It is because I realized that some of the family members and close friends are not quite comfortable with my sudden and perhaps abrupt changes. Rest assured, I’m still the same old eccentric Sab but with a new “added flavor”.
Dear all,
“Sab has got herself a new pair of wings and she’s ready to fly, don’t be sad because she’s going to fly away but hold her hands and fly with her, she will be happy to know that you all will always by her side…”
~Sabrina Adam~
Uncategorized | Comments (7)New Form Of Happiness
Eventually, I had hit the big 20 in my life this month. Instead of having a grand celebration, it turned out that I celebrated it rather modestly and silently this year. Prior to this day, I was having fantasy to celebrate it lavishly with the present of all my family and friends in my house but it is impossible though because most of my friends and I entered university before my big day and there go my fantasy *smile*
10 July 2008 ~ I woke up in my new, unfamiliar room as usual and found out that my hand phone was full with birthday wishes smses and one voice mail from papa. It seems like some of them tried to call me at 12am sharp and I felt this sudden warmness deep in my heart core. It was such a wonderful day, I walked to the faculty with Sharon and Selina with such high spirit and superb mood. We were laughing all the way and out of the blue, Sharon asked me:” What do you wish for your birthday this year?” My answer was:”Happy, I just want to be happy.” I was surprised by my own answer because it just came out without any hesitation.
My own unexpected answer has lead me to think about it for days and even when I write this down, I am still thinking about the logic and explanation that lay behind this answer. I reckon that if we turned the clock back to few years ago and listen to my answer for this question, “teddy bear” would likely be the most desirable gift I would love to have. Strangely, I don’t have this kind of thought this year… Prior to my birthday, I had been asked so many times by close friends on what I want for my birthday this year and I found out that it is hard for me to answer them because I don’t really have anything in my mind that I particular fond of… I know… it is odd but that’s the truth.
Dear readers, I’m not sure whether you get me or not but I personally think that, as a human, we not only grow up but we “evolve” as well in a sense that we can neither stop or run away from it. There will be one moment in our life when we will reach to a point that we realize nothing is as vital as being happy in our life. I firmly believe that I’ve reached this point now…
Throughout my brief life of 20 years until today, happiness comes to me in lots of forms and in spite of all the unhappiness I encountered before, happiness keeps coming to me and all the happiness I sense are essential to me because they are part of the element that shapes me as I grow up. Now, as I’m studying in university and writing a new chapter for the book of my life, new form of happiness comes to me. It comes to me in the form of education. To be frank, before I enter university, I never “meet” happiness in the form of education (unless while studying English and Literature, of course) because I never really fond of the other subjects, hence, I found myself struggling to catch up with my study. I might sounds ungrateful for making such bold statement but I must make it clears that, I’m not that kind of person that enjoy or willing to do things that I despise.
Hence, when I get to study “Languages and Linguistics in English” in UM, you have no idea how happy I’m. This course is my choice and I chose it just simply because I love it. I didn’t choose it to make others’ happy. It is my own decision, I had chosen my path and I’ll finish it. To those who had entered university, we know that university life is not always a bed of roses (like we heard before), it is a tough and harsh “road” but as long as we had recognized our own happiness and strength, we will get over any other obstacles that seem to bring us down. We will keep on fighting until we win…
One of my papa’s favourite song and I enjoy play it in piano version as well!
My Way by Frank Sinatra
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I’ll say it clear,
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life that’s full.
I’ve traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, I’ve had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!
Defining Yourself
It
seems like I always surprise and astonish myself for the fact that how much I love to observe people
in a particular event. I found it amusing that how frequent my observation had been transformed into
my writing through out these years. My observation has been my main source of inspiration for my
writing and when I went to a carnival at A’Famosa
Resort with family and friends last Saturday,
I had gained some insights and thus lay this entry…
Through
out these years, I had been searching a significant
meaning on how to define myself and all
those around me with a reasonable elucidation and while I was sitting on the bench and watching all
those performances with great enthusiasm, a thought came through my mind and it astounded me so
much that I had to compose myself in calmness in spite of the fact that
everyone around me was cheering and clapping with a sense of exhilaration.
Ask
yourself a question dear reader, how well you know yourself and how you define
yourself clearly?
In my life, I had met several people who seem so certain in defining themselves, some
define themselves based on their names, family backgrounds the social groups
them mix with, financial status or some ridiculous one, their tattoos… all
these seem so erroneous to me and I crave for a more sensible definition.
Hence,
as I was sitting and watching the 1st
performance that night, I realized that it is not your
name or any other things that define you but what you do in your life and how
it affects people define you. You might as
well wonder, what kind of performance that able to arouse such sentiment on me and let
me tell you this story…
On that
night, the 1st performance was the Red
Indians Show which required the performers to
not only yell at a hysterical high pitch tone but it also involved some risky
and hazardous stunts… Perhaps as I grow older, I have altered into a person
with a keen perception and I don’t focus much on the facade. I mean, if I went to
this carnival 10 years ago, what will happen is, I would laugh through out the
shows and after a good night sleep, I’ll forget everything I encountered. But
it was different this time, the performers had given me the answer for the
question that had been in myself for so long and had been my inspiration for my new
entry.
Thus, that
is what I mean by “it is not your name or any other things that define you
but what you do in your life and how it affects people define you”. I saw what they did
and felt how it affects me… and that is all that matters. Wei Xin and I had the
same thought lately, it seems like we are so easily attached to a place which
so full of love
and laughter,
maybe we had come to the realization that the world is getting complicated each day and people
are getting sadistic to each other… Thus, we will seize and embrace all the
opportunity that makes us happy and contented. We all are struggling to lead
our dream life
and there is no exception for these performers as well. It is a hard life out
there and who knows… underneath those happy faces and high spirits, they might have their own stories to tell and the stories
might be miserable and heartbreaking. That’s why I despise those who judge
others by their occupations or social ranks, not everyone is that fortunate to
born with a silver spoon in their mouth and lives a lavish lifestyle or lives in a regal
mansion. There is nothing wrong to live our life with compassion and treat
others with respect because it will make the world go around.
Through my
observation, these performers made the entire audiences laugh and their friendliness warmed our hearts as well… this is
how they affect us and there is nothing nobler than making people around you happy. Albeit they are not
the real Red Indians but they tried so hard to imitate and pour their heart and soul to
perform. As far as I know, they perform every day so it means 365 times a year,
not to mention the risk they are facing every time they perform for instance
the fire stunts and the fact that their health will deteriorate in long term. Their
commitment
to their work defines them as who they are and they deserve all the respect and applauses I gave them…
14 June 2008, it was another beautiful and memorable
night for me… I still remember vividly that I fall to sleep with a smile on my
face. See you at the next entry!
P/S: Somehow, this
song fits for this entry, so I included it as well! Enjoy…
Just The Way You Are ~ Billy Joel
Don’t go changing, to try and please me,
You never let me down before,
Don’t imagine, you’re too familiar,
And I don’t see you anymore.
I would not leave you, in times of trouble,
We never could have come this far,
I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times,
I’ll take you just the way you are.
Don’t go trying, some new fashion,
Don’t change the colour of your hair,
You always have my, unspoken passion,
Although I might not seem to care.
I don’t want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew,
What will it take till you believe in me,
The way that I believe in you?
I said I love you, and that’s forever,
And this I promise from the heart,
I couldn’t love you, any better,
I love you just the way you are.
I don’t want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.
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A Tribute To An Awesome Friend
I must confess… for as long as I remember as I growing up in this society, I found out that through out these years, people still having hard time to accept the fact that there is a friendship bond exists between a man and a woman. Hence, in this entry, I would love to share a piece of my mind in this matter and how I live and deal with this very issue.
First of all, I want to make it clear that in a woman world, “best friend” is such a complicated term considering how sensitive and complex we are. I mean, come on… no matter how glamorous we are and how grand we are being welcomed among friends, how many people we know that we dare to admit them as our true best friends without feeling guilty and remorseful? To be frank, for a woman, it’s hard to find a “best friend”, and it is even harder to find a great “guy friend” and as I compared myself to my besties, I’m extremely grateful for being blessed to have such a great guy friend in my life and he is ~
Tay Qin Le.
It feels odd for me when I rememorized and brought myself back to year 1999 when we were standard five students , that was when we had our first acquaintance and at that time we never knew that 8 years later, we would become such a close companion to each other. Even though 17 years old was such a rough period for me to go though, I’m fortunate for having a buddy that accompany me to walk through all the “uneven paths” and the solid friendship we cultivated in such a short period became “a strong hand” that kept me from falling and “shoulders” for me to cry on…
It’s true, our intimacy and how comfort we are in each other’s company brings a lot of misunderstanding and speculation among friends. At first, it annoys me for the fact that how frequent I had to explain to each and everyone that confronted me and asked whether we are involved romantically. But, as the time past… all those teasing, questioning, doubting, and assumptions are not as vital as how I cherish our friendship. With all the experiences I had gone through, I can’t help but wondering how bizarre human minds functioning towards an obviously naive friendship that being shared by two human beings despite the difference of their sexes. Sometimes, people are just behaving like ignorant children without much consideration and deliberation.
Qin le and I, we know each other’s affairs and secret clearly, and I think the reason why we are so close and sincere to each other as a friend is because, in our friendship, we did not seek neither praise nor pity from each other. We are absolutely honest to our feeling and it feels awesome to have someone I can trust so much and not afraid of getting hurt… Somehow, I have faith on him…
Throughout these years we have been friends, it stunned me when I realized that we hardly give any presents to each other no matter on our birthdays or as a token of appreciation. I reckon that our friendship have grown strong enough to overpower such materialistic needs and desires which seems so skin-deep. But, the moment I found out he is about to leave this country soon, my heart sinks in spite of the joy I felt for him for such triumph. Parting is hard for me and I understand that it is even harder for him for he had found that "somebody" we always talked about it together… Hence, his leaving inspired me to write this entry because I would love to make this as a parting gift for him.
Qin Le,
I know the chances of you will be reading this is quite small but considering the way we communicate like brothers, I found it hard for me to say to you how much I’ll miss you when you’re gone but I don’t want to let you leave this county without letting you know what my feeling is. Hence, when I can’t say it loud how much I appreciate our friendship and all those favour you had done for me, I want to let you know through my writing because… well, you know how much I enjoy writing and my writing is the most powerful and influential aspect to show my reflection and sentiment. My prayer and wishes will be with you wherever you go and whatever you do… I’ll miss you buddy…
Hugs,
Sab